a bunch of teenagers have co-opted the garage across the alley as a practice space for their *very loud* rock band. And I don't mean the game on Wii. And he REALLY likes the wah-wah peddle. *sobitty sob sob*

It's Voting Day - go VOTE please!

*achoo* starting *achoo* to not feel great! *achoo* I hope I am not coming down with what Ben had - but since I am getting sneezy and coughie my boss gave me tomorrow off to stay home and rest. I am SO glad I don't have plans this weekend other than watching my niece.

2 dresses are now delivered, and the jacket that goes with one of them is finished, to be delivered today. Katie's experimental dress # 1 is about 80% finished as well! I feel so productive! Today is Sue day - I'm going to get as much as I can done on her dresses, since I only have 5 days until we leave - that's a dress a day! :)

For Sale - 2006 Honda CRV with only 40,000 miles. Brand new inspection. Mint condition. 17,000 - that's below blue book!

So - I have 9 garments to be finished by THursday next - 2 are completed (whoohoo), 1 just needs finishing touches (and trim), 4 are in stages of assembly of one sort or another and two are still figments of my imagination! lol BUT - I accomplished so much last night, in part thanks to my pixie partner in crime Miss Katie - and today I am finishing the jacket and handing it off to the owner so it's one more thing out of my house. Woohoo! Then I get to sew Sue's lovely outfits - orange is SO my favorite colour. ;)

Off to be a mom.

So - I am in a wedding, as you all know, and I am so ahppy to be in it - I love Sue, I adore Chris, I think they are going to make a fantastic married couple, cute kids, and a long, loving history together.  But first, we must have the ceremony. 

  I am a big girl.  I am well aware of this.  But never have I been more aware than yesterday when we were trying on dresses for the wedding.  The other girls are sizes 6,7 and 10.  And then there's me.  28.  I am so afraid of how we will look in pictures -  I am quite literally 3 times the smallest girls size.  And I do NOT want to go on some stupid crash diet because a) they are unhealthy and b) they NEVER work for me.  I AM planning on actually going to the gym so I can tone up my arms, since the dresses are sleeveless, and hopefully lose some of my back fat, since they have rather low backs.  But the other 3 girls are so stunning - all 3 of them - and they look fantastic in the dress.  I really really really hate feeling this way.  ANd right now, I really hate myself.

My life is in an undecided upheaval.  I have a million things on my shoulders.  And I just got blasted by a friend about how I make her feel like she always has to have the right answer like she is on a gameshow and how I am opinionated and how I make her feel like crap and basically that I am an overbearing, pushy, obnoxious bitch.  And part of me wants to cry for a year - and part of me wants to tell her to fuck off.  So - here's the upshot.  If I am a bicth - don't be my friend.  Seriously.  All of you.  Walk away from me now before I make you miserable too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

KATIE!!!!!!!!!

the house I absolutely adore is back on the market.  Still doesn't have a septic system, buuuuut, they seem to be getting permits, working on it - something.  I went to see it again yesterday.  Well - first I went to see 2 other houses, THEN I went to see that one.  The other houses had possibilities - there were things I liked and things I didn't about each of them.  But then I walked back into the Big Rd house and it felt like coming home.  Truly.  It has everything I love in a house - stone walls, deeeeep windowsills, 2 fireplaces, original plank floors - and someone else has already replaced the wiring, plumbing, put in a second bathroom, a brand new oil tank and water heater and the boiler looks practically new.  The only draw back is while the whole rest of the house was done perfectly old farm house style (NOT country/gingham - true farm house) - the kitchen is harvest gold paint and ikea furniture - it's so NOT feung shui to the rest of the house.  I want to re-do it so it matches - I want to find a vintage double basin washboard porceline over steel sink, have open dish rach cabinets up top and a punched tin pie cupboard in there.  *sigh*  And the Ikea can all go.  ;)  And there are so many possibilities outside, since it has 2.3 acres with a POND and a stream!  How cool is that?  And the driveway has a bridge over the pond.  SO awesome!  The two negatives - well, besides the septic issue, are that it IS on 73, tho it is very far back from the road, and it has a possibility of having a quarry rather near by.  I'm OK with both of those things, truthfully.  Did I mention the windows are all new and low-e?  Standing seam roof?  Finished attic?  5 bedrooms?  Yeah.  It's so mine.  ;)

  Now we just need to convince the bank to give us a loan for it!  :D

So - my mom asked me today if I have learned anything over the last 2 months and I took the question to heart and realized I've learned quite a few things.

1) No one deserves to die alone.  No matter how they lived their lives, when they are old, and sick, and hurting, they need someone to love them unconditionally.

2) I am NOT cut out to be a nurse.

3) I have a massive support group who loves me for me and is willing to help me when I need it, even if I can't figure out how to ask.  When I said this to my mom she started to cry and said "I'm so glad you finally realize that.  When your dad walked out, it was like you decided no one could love you if he didn't and you are so special..."  She had such clarity about my dad leaving, altho it started long before that, as I realized he loved his alcohol more than me, and the distance I always felt from his family, except my grandfather, didn't help at all.

4) I am 37 years old and I do not have to keep pulling people out of holes they let themselves fall into.  I am willing to help you, and hold your hand, but I would rather you walk beside me and not keep dragging on me.  I have a family I adore, and strong friends who don't weigh me down, I don't need to keep the ones that do on my front burner, or even my back burner. 

5) I love my daddy, but losing him was hard because of all the possibilities that went with him.  He would never apologize for his actions.  He would never tell Curt he was proud of him, He would never tell me that either.

6) St Luke's Hospice is staffed by angels who deserve to make 5 million dollars a day.

7) I need to be more organized.

I know I learned more, but these are the things that stick out in my mind.  Thank you - everyone - for standing by me, holding MY hand to pull me out of my hole when I needed it, watching my kids, bringing me food, sending me flowers, calling and e-mailing, coming to the funeral, and understanding when I wasn't available.  I appreciate you, one and all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Syd!!!!!!!!

The details are as follows -

Thursday, September 24th at 11am
324 E High St, Hellertown, PA (in the back yard)

This by NO means implys that I EXPECT anyone to attend.  I just know that several people have asked about it, so here is the info for you.  Plus, the obit ran Saturday in the Morning Call and is available online, if you are interested in seeing it.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/mcall/obituary.aspx?n=john-c-jack-trumbore&pid=133092626

has gone on to his next cycle.  May he have peace and a lack of pain.  Thank you all for your love and prayers.

Yard Sale - my place - 9/4, 9/5 and 9/7 8a-2p.  Lots of stuff, rock bottom prices - free for good friends who show up and smile!  ;)  Come help me clean out my basement!

I don't fit in my skin today.  None of my clothes are hanging correctly, my bra is too tight and crooked, my pants are too loose.  I am just - off.  And I am at a point where I feel like if one more thing is piled on me, I am going to completely loos eit.  I will crack, break, and become a sobbing puddle in the corner. 
  Summer is over.  Where did it go?  I missed.  I didn't mean to, but I did.  That makes me sad.  Of course, today EVERYTHING makes me sad.  One of those days.

I have an online friend who helps rescue greyhounds and right now, one of them is very ill.  All of the medical costs are being covered by the rescue group who could SERIOUSLY use an IV of greenbacks - here's the link to the LJ with the info - if you can help, please, PLEASE do!!

http://kass-rants.livejournal.com/298684.html


Thanks everyone!!

I can only be strong for so many people.  And I am out of strength.  I no longer have it in me to play games with friendship - or to work hard for it.  I refuse.  I have too much else going on that's too important to deal with all the trappings he said-she said.  Be blunt, be direct.  Tell me exactly what you mean.  Or don't talk to me at all.  I don't want lies, I don't even want sugar coating.  I can't be bothered with the emotional ties that bind any longer.


  If anyone has had any experience setting up hospice care and/or in home care for an elderly person, any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Now that my dad's live-in has passed away, it is up to me to take care of him - and he lives 20ish miles away.  I can't be running over every day just to buy him lottery tickets or whatever.  I also need to know he's covered in case he falls or needs major help.  Anyway - please let me know if you have dealt with anything that did - or - did not work. Thanks.


  Yesterday was Ellie's funeral.  Funerals are, by definition, depressing.  Right before we (my dad and I ) left to go over - he tripped on the wheel of his O2 tank and pitched face first to the floor.  It was horrifying and scary and kept my nerves taught for the next 4 hours.  Luckily, the funeral home people had someone to spare who came over and helped me get him up so we could get there, and also luckily, he didn't seem to sustain and permanent damage besides a rug burn on his forehead and a scraped up elbow.  But it was that moment where I looked at my dad - only 67 and completely unable to get up off the floor by himself, that I realized how OLD he is.  Not in years, in life.  To see the man that used to chop down trees for our firewood reduced to a 145lb, wrinkled, helpless elderly person on the floor hit me.  Really.  really. hard.  I forget to notice the passing of time.  I forget to realize that I am 37 - I am exactly half of the average age for a woman.  I forget to take the time to do things I truly enjoy.  So here I am.  On that cusp of becoming the age my mother was when I finally realized she was a woman and not just my mother (if that makes sense), and lo - I have to take on the resposibilities of my aged parent while I still have the responsibilities of my young children.  And I am not made of silly putty - I can't stretch to paper thin before breaking. 

  Sorry.  Done rambling.

So - having read all your comments, and pondered longer and harder myself, I think I have come up with some personal definitions of friend.  Or Friend.  But it's really hard to make capitals when you talk - you know?

  I think a Friend is someone about whom you know things - basic things, like phone number, address, family basics, current living situations.  And they know these things about you.  Plus a Friend is someone you can confide in - share things with, cry to, whine to, bitch to and know they won't think less of you because of what you need to vent about.  And, again, in return.

  A friend - note the lack of capital, is someone whose presence you enjoy and with whom you move in similar circles.   Someone you know moderatly, but not a person you think of to call and see if they want to go to the movies, you know? 


With me - once you've become a Friend, you stay there forever.  I know others aren't like this, but that's just the way I am. 

  Just wanted to share my conlcusions.

And yes, Maeryk, a Friend doesn't try to have you arrested.  ;)